Staying Motivated

As I’ve grown as a dancer, I’m much less critical of my body now.  Dance is a part of the Middle Eastern culture.  Everyone does it, so everyone can do it, and there is less self consciousness from Middle Eastern women about the dance.  People dance at weddings, birthday parties and at home.  It just IS.  And that’s what dance is for me now.  It just is.  When the music flows through me, I don’t think about or plan my movements, the music tells my body what to do.  

When I first started dancing and I told people that I danced, the reaction was most often, “I’ll bet your husband likes that,” said with a “nudge-nudge wink-wink know- what- I- mean” kind of tone.   The truth is that the dance was something I did for me.  It was never about my husband, although he’s been very supportive through the years.   In the entire time I’ve been dancing, I think I’ve danced specifically for him 3 times: once when I first started to show him what I was learning, again on our 20^th wedding anniversary at a party, and just recently at a Valentine’s Day hafla.  He’s supportive of my involvement in the dance, but from a personal perspective is sort of over it now.   Richard stood by me from the beginning when I wore my sad little homemade costume and would only dance with the troupe to professional performances where I’m wearing an expensive sparkly costume and dancing solo.  

It’s funny- I was in my 30s when I started dancing and felt uncomfortable with my body.  I was constantly comparing myself to others and never measured up.   It’s a sad thing- what we women do to ourselves- compare how we look to some unrealistic view of what a real woman is.  This is my view of what a real woman is:  she’s confident, holds her head up and is proud of what she’s accomplished.  She is tenacious and fights for what she believes is right.  She lifts up others and yet is humble.  She’s generous with praise and is sensitive in her critiques.  She does not tear down others to promote herself.  She acts with integrity and honesty.   Notice that my definition of a real woman has nothing to do with her outward appearance.  These qualities are what make a person truly beautiful, and that beauty will shine in her dance because it really is the beauty of spirit that shows.

The best dancers and instructors are the ones who make you fall a little bit in love with them when you see them dance.    It’s the smile that really does come from the heart and reaches the eyes.    You can’t help but be drawn in by someone like that.  There are few dancers I’ve seen that touch me in that way, and I’ve been privileged to take classes from a few of them.  Habeeba is an engaging and flirtatious performer, but since she’d stopped performing professionally when I started dancing, I’ve only ever seen her actually perform publicly twice in the 17 years I’ve known her.  Another very emotional performer is Raqia Hassan.  Raqia is in her 60s and doesn’t perform professionally now either- but the emotion comes through when she teaches.  Another performer who is has that lyricism in movement is Aleksey Ryaboshapka.  Yes… a man is able to teach women a few things about how to be feminine.    

Other favorites are Sadie of Denver, Colorado, a warm and very talented performer and instructor with amazing hip isolations; Leila Gamal; another old school performer and instructor who stresses emotionality over technique and  Sahra Saida, a walking encyclopedia of dance knowledge who has dedicated her life to educating women all over the world about the origins of this dance form and whose generosity of spirit continues to be an example to me of how to be a good instructor.    The lessons I’ve learned from these amazing dancers carry through when I teach a class and in performances.  This inspiration is what continues to motivate new students to try this ancient dance form and it's what keeps me so intrigued even after 17 years as a student.